At the beginning of this year, we made a profound decision: we decided to leave Germany.
There were many reasons for this, including of course the big C issue, which stirred up a lot of things, but also the increasing ethical neglect of the German government with lobbying, corruption and only a little remorse when it's noticed and only as long as it has a certain media presence, not to mention consequences.
Whining and complaining is very satisfying for the moment. But does that lead anywhere? Except that you end up inside and outside where you really don't want to be? "Worrying is like praying for the things you don't want!" some wise person once said. I think that sums it up quite well.
The malaise, the feeling of no longer being in the right place that I perceived in my home country, was there long before Corona. Besides political issues, I felt I was no longer in the right place on the globe for a long time. But somehow it went on and on. I came to terms. With my professional activities, which were mainly focused on the musical field, besides family and household. With our small town, which became more and more degenerated through the decades. With an environment that had become foreign to me in large parts. And that, although I had started my own spiritual journey 15 years ago, with many different trainings and educations. This had been applied here and there in practice for me and others, in private and professional life. But I felt that I was not in the right place with this. After the decision-making process, new doors opened promptly and unexpectedly on a professional level. But more about that another time.
My dream of a life in Portugal, with its strong nature, the wonderful smells of cistus, eucalyptus trees and sea, with its stark colors in the red earth, in the steel blue sky, in the colorful rocks, which I had had in my heart for 15 years, faded more and more. I had settled in, resigned myself, put the call on mute inside. And that, although I always felt freer there than in Germany, was more in harmony with myself, felt more joy of life and had more energy.
Without the professional perspective, it was now getting pretty thin in my environment. What was still holding me? I reached the low point where a turnaround was needed. And in my heart it flared up again, the desire to live in Portugal. To pull down the tents. To make a new start. Before, I had been alone in my family with my husband and children with my wish, but now it found a hearing and approval even under the given circumstances.
First, I decided to close my beautiful large studio that I had operated for twelve years with classes, choir work, voice lessons and coaching. After a year of being orphaned and raising the costs with virtually no income of my own, I had closed the chapter.
This was associated with pain, although the decision to leave was already in the air.
Therefore, the feeling of liberation prevailed. And what else opened up for me now? Emptiness. A lot of space for new things. A vacuum that wanted to be filled. And in addition: many mixed feelings.
A friend took over the studio for herself as a refuge and class room after I quit, to both of our happiness. So it felt good for me in the end.
After that, things continued in a forward-looking manner. Clean out. Giving away. Selling, packing. But that has a lot to do with the past. So many things tell a story. Your story. Your children's. That of your family. What can be kept, what can be taken away? A renewed dichotomy between liberation and the attempt to preserve memories by holding on to DIngen.... In the end, much has gone, much that found its way into the container will still be allowed to go when it is unpacked in Portugal. Because then one feels again differently what no longer fits, no longer has to be, is no longer necessary.
In the end, all these were just things. The studio. The house. Everything in it. Now everything is packed in a container, sold, ended up at the Bringhof, given away. The door of the house that was our home for 15 years is closed, the key in other hands.
What touched me much more were the reactions of the people to whom we communicated our plans. Many were sad. This was especially true in our family. Our parents, siblings, friends, and work colleagues-many found it hard to say goodbye. The classmates and friends of our youngest. Some of them pulled themselves together so as not to spoil our joy. Others have given free rein to their tears. It's all normal and I'm sure many of them think of us more often and more as if we were still here. With some I actually believe that they will really make their resolution to visit us here in paradise come true. And I am very much looking forward to that. Because they will be encounters that don't happen between door and door, but ones that promise "quality time" together. With a lot of time in a beautiful environment.
To me, all the people we left geographically 2,600 km away in the north are still just as close as if we were still living in Sauerland. For me, closeness has much more to do with who we carry in our hearts, who we think of, who is "close" to us. But perhaps it is always easier to leave than to stay behind. Unlike us, who are now allowed to fill a lot of things anew here, those who have stayed have to fill a vacuum that we have left behind.
At times, I was very touched by the inner processes that were triggered in some people by our departure. Whenever I have had contact with someone to whom I have told what we intend to do, I have not infrequently been confronted with quite unexpected emotional reactions. Many have celebrated our decision, declared us "courageous" - here and there you could hear an undertone of "reckless", "I couldn't do something like that", others again found it "very coherent" for us. Many have really fevered with us, how is it going, when does it start, do you already have a new place to stay....?
And then there were those for whom I could clearly feel the blueprint of their own life's dream. Who regretted not having tackled it. And who had already closed the door for themselves. Because they were too old, not financially well enough positioned, too tied down, too this, too that. And the pain that flares up with it. "We were abroad once for a year, that was the best time in our lives! And actually I wanted so much..." Each of the reactions was an impulse for me to reflect again on what I was just allowed to share. And what I myself am doing right now. The moments in which I thought I was completely out of my mind for a short time, that I had pushed this decision significantly, can be counted on one hand and are therefore very limited.
I know, of course, that it does not apply to everyone, that you may not jump over your shadow. There are, of course, circumstances that bind. And not every dream is connected with a departure abroad. But there are also many circumstances that only seem to bind. And above all, there are many possibilities that are not seen, explored, considered or examined. And what lies underneath for many is, to my mind, one of the primal emotions that so often cause us to make the wrong decisions. The fear.
Angst begleitet uns. Sie ist manchmal nützlich, zum Beispiel man will eine viel befahrene Strasse überqueren und sie hält einen davon ab, einfach loszulaufen ohne auf den Verkehr zu achten. Allzuoft ist sie dann aber doch unsere Bremse. Vor allem die Angst, Fehler zu machen. Dass Fehler notwendig sind in den Prozessen unserer Erfahrungen, ist für mich oft noch herausfordernd. Angst ist für lange Zeit einer meiner treuesten Beleiter gewesen und ich bin noch immer dabei, mich mit ihr so zu arrangieren, dass sie mir nicht mehr allzuoft in die Quere kommt, wenn ich Dinge in meinem Leben realisieren möchte. Sie bringt mich ins zweifeln, macht mich klein, bremst mich aus. Perfektionismus ist ihr kleiner Bruden, der gerne ebenfalls Dinge zum Stillstand bringt. Daran darf ich noch arbeiten. Aber das macht mir keine Angst. 😉
And to return to the "courage" we mustered to move here: Interestingly, I don't feel a bit "brave" about any of this. To me, moving here is a logical step in a causal chain of steps we've taken. A small thanks goes to Corona, it sped things up considerably.
From a spiritual point of view, I see our step as a guidance by the universal creative power. In ThetaHealing, a new step in life that is fulfilled is called "divine timing", which describes it perfectly for my feeling.
In my opinion, it is worthwhile to perceive one's big and small dreams, to look at them, to check their feasibility. And also to check whether it is a goal that I really want. "Be careful what you wish for, it could become reality one day!" another wise person once said. Not painting things more flowery than they are is most definitely part of achieving your goals. Rose-colored glasses are not good for a clear view for long.
I know that many things here in Portugal are not brilliant either. I know that there will be challenges for us. But this is the right place for us. Where many things will be possible for me that I consider unrealizable in Germany.
There are so many different dreams. Big ones and small ones: Living in the country. To start your own business doing something you like and are good at, even if it's just "on the side. Learning to garden. Cycling across Europe. Or emigrate. Perhaps it is also good to first reduce your dream, so that at least partially a feasibility arises. Doing the steps that don't have to lead directly and bindingly to it, but that keep it awake and alive in the consciousness. Doing things that "have to do with it". I have been learning Portuguese for ten years now, sometimes more and sometimes less intensively. The cost is manageable, much knowledge is freely available. Have cooked according to Portuguese recipes (which also led directly to invent vegan variants). Again and again I traveled to Portugal when I could. All this - I am convinced - has brought me closer to the realization of my dream.
What happens if we keep arranging ourselves, push away our heart's desires, put on the blinders and thus make up our sometimes very dissatisfying everyday "shit", pardon, I mean of course everyday "routine" and act according to the motto: "Once I'm retired, then..."? Always playing it safe and staying in the "comfort zone" that often makes us unhappy?
Usually happens: NOTHING. Absolutely nothing. We wait then perhaps eternally more or less unconsciously for impulses from the outside. The "right" time. The job offer in Hawaii out of the blue. The gentleman from the lottery company with the money box at our front door. I exaggerate a little. (On purpose.)
It is said to have already happened that one experiences something like that.
If we are honest, however, it is often the case that we take refuge in the pale blueprint of our big or small dreams, which were once important to us and which we have longingly pursued. What remains is the illusion of "someday". Often paired with melancholy that it probably "won't work out"-as if the development of our life were something completely fated, which we do not have in our own hands. A dream is just often for us nothing real, nothing what one can grasp or bring into the reality or should. After all, one doesn't want to be a weirdo. What should people think? Dreams are something that you best shake off right away. Finally, one should remain on the ground of the "facts". But what happens when we prepare the ground so that our dreams become facts?
"Dream on, dream on, dream on, dream until your dreams come true!" a wise rock singer once sang. That's how we do it.
If you want to learn how to direct things in your life more consciously, to bring them into manifestation, to find your soul path, then perhaps a ThetaHealing Course just the right thing for you. I am sure: without my ThetaHealing experiences and trainings I would hardly be where I am now. You can find current course dates here on the site.